How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
