someone threw a dead crab at me
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Drunk is not a location!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
