wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
it was like eating out sand paper
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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