well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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