Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
