You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I believe in your delicious
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
