Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
