It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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