in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm like, not good at living.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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