How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
