if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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