just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
