What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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