Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
