what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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