Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
