Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
