Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
