Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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