dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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