i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
