I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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