My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
