I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
