I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
