is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
