I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Randomize
