M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
