I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
