So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
