I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
