I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
