Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
