he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
