he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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