hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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