If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
