Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
only if we run a train.
done.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
