his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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