I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
