so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You can't motorboat a personality
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
