Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
