i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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