Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
