just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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