did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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