I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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