Reggie can tackle my bush.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
