Your mouth is God's brothel.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You're like the curious george of whores
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
