did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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