I can tuck mytits in my pants
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
